RUOK
Revisionist History

* 17 Deviations
* 1 Scrap [browse]
* 552 Deviation Comments
* 304 Deviant Comments
* 28,000 Pageviews


Does this mean I get my own Kiriban? o.0;;;


And yes, folks, I'm basically dead again here on Deviantart. But I'm sure you already figured that out for yourself.

The silent pattern seems to be:

1) The closer I get to achieving my life goals...
2) The further I get from drawing anything.

It's times like these that you really start to wonder how the phases of the heart work, and how much pull whim and whimsy actually have over our lives. Was drawing always such an unbelievable pain in the ass because I was actually destined for something else, or is that just a side-effect of me needing a hell of a lot more practice?

Obviously nobody else but me truly knows, and right now I'm as lost on that subject as anyone.

Just as sure as I know that I write these journals as nothing more than a cataloged dialog with myself (for surely I am not writing for the ten people who, sensibly, shrug and move along when they see that I've typed more than 4 lines (and none of those particularly entertaining, either)) , there is the certainty that I want to create things that resonate, and I want to have a positive impact on people's well-being. Whether that shall come about through writing novels (yes, I want to do that too), or composing music, or maybe even through drawing pictures...I truly do not know.

But right now I am following a commitment that I made, and it is a commitment to take a stand and actually follow something that I love through to its completion. Music got neglected for nearly 8 years while I tortured myself (and the women I was with) in horrible relationships, and nursed a psyche that went from loving all of existence to desperately hating every human on the planet. Now I have returned to where I began, the salvageable pieces have been picked up, and I'm putting (nearly) everything that I have into something that never should have been denied attention in the first place.

Now, having said all of this, in typical me fashion I will probably start posting pictures and completely negate all of the emo-esque bullshit I just committed to database. Maybe thats the real pattern, that nothing gets accomplished until I take out the word gun and start blowing things to kingdom come; my own ridiculous little snip of the Gordian knot.

It is, as they say, entirely possible.

Either way, the void has been filled.